The Payback Job
by shireling111
Summary: Hardison gets kidnapped… again. But with the team cut down in size since Nate and Sophie left, can they still manage to pull through? (One Shot) Pairings: Parker/Hardison (although a case could be made for an ot3). Thanks to the lovely Christina (blusongz on tumblr) for performing a quick beta!


Alec Hardison grunted and stretched, a sleepy haze still hanging over him as he slowly began to wake up. His first thought was that of the kiss he and Parker had shared last night before she had snuck off to her bed in the rafters. He could almost still feel the gentle warmth of her lips on his. Hardison smiled. He almost didn't want to wake up so that he could stay in this lovely dream state for a bit longer, just so that he could relish that feeling. But then he slowly he began to remember the terrible dreams he'd had last night. Something about, like, kidnappers, and muffled screaming, and getting hit on the head… in fact, now that he thought about it, his head actually kind of hurt. Perhaps he had hit it against something in his sleep. Man, some dream. Hardison shuddered, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Finally, he relented to the inevitability of waking up, and cracked his eyes open. And what he saw made his heart drop to his toes.

The scene that met his eyes was not the rafters above his bed in the back of the pub, but rather a steely grey wall, bare except for the huge bolted door, and very menacing. Hardison jerked awake to full alert, heart pounding and mind racing. _It wasn't a dream. It was all real._ Somehow, someone must have broken in last night and kidnapped him from where he slept. The vague memories trickled down through his thoughts as he desperately tried to remember exactly what happened. Had he gotten a good look at any of their faces? Had he put up a fight? How did they get in without alerting Parker or setting off the security system? Questions hammered him like battering ram. Surely there was some way to clear his head and figure out the answers. He had to calm down and start thinking clearly. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to remember everything that Eliot had ever taught him about handling a hostage situation. _Breathe. Just, breathe._ He was going to hyperventilate if wasn't careful. With great effort, he managed to focus his energy on remembering how to control breathing the way that Parker had instructed him the last time he was abducted. Like a gentle whisper her words drifted back to him._ "Okay, Hardison, I need you to calm down. Listen to me. Okay, take a deep breath in."_ Hardison inhaled slowly. _"Okay, good, now let it out."_ He exhaled, letting the panic drain slowly away. Thinking of the way that she had saved him before brought him a surprising and inexplicable peace. And it wasn't just Parker that had saved him, but Eliot, too. He knew that no matter what, his friends would not rest until he was back home safely. He trusted them.

"_Deep breath in, deep breath out."_

Hardison opened his eyes again, this time focusing on his surroundings. The room he was in, if you could call it that, was relatively small and nearly empty. The only occupants were himself and a tall stack of canvas bags filled with some sort of grain, which is what he had been sleeping against. His assailants hadn't tied his hands or his feet, nor had they gagged him, but instead had left him propped up against the bags, facing towards the door. Apparently, they weren't at all worried about him escaping or crying out for help. The room was lit with a single, dingy bulb that hung from the metal ceiling. Upon taking a closer look at the walls, he noticed that they were ribbed, not unlike metal storage containers. Perhaps that's where he was. Fortunately for him, however, the space was large enough that he didn't feel overly claustrophobic. He snorted sarcastically and thought, _How very considerate of them._

Finally, Hardison decided to get up and poke around a bit. Still dizzy from the blow to his head, he stood slowly, gripping the wall as he went. Further investigation of his quarters revealed little more than what he had already gathered from observation. The grain in the sacks seemed to be the kind fed to animals, although being relatively inexperienced in that arena, Hardison couldn't be totally sure. Going over to the door, he found his fears confirmed. It was firmly bolted from the outside, and no amount of shaking or banging could loosen the latch. Frustrated, he turned to head back to his resting spot, when suddenly he became aware of voices drifting in from outside. He froze, straining to make out the words. Although they were too garbled to understand, the sounds were definitely getting closer. He turned to face the door. Just then the metal rattled and the door was flung open from the outside. Light flooded into the room, blinding him, and before Hardison knew it, two huge men were holding him by the arms and covering his eyes with a blindfold. _Here we go,_ he thought as the men lead him away. _This should be interesting._

* * *

Eliot awoke from a light sleep to hear his phone buzzing. Grunting, he got up from the couch and grabbed it off the table. The caller-ID read "_Parker ^_^"_ : complete with the little symbols Parker had added to her contact name on his phone. _"It's an emoticon! See, it's a little dude smiling!"_ Although he had threatened to take it off, they both knew that he would leave it there. Normally it made him smile fondly, but right now all it made him do was scowl. Answering it, he growled, "It's four o'clock in the morning Parker! Are you out of your mind?!"

"Eliot, it's Hardison." From her frantic tone, Eliot immediately knew that something was seriously wrong. "He's gone."

"Put in your earbud, Parker. I'll be there in two minutes." Without bothering to say goodbye, he hung up, grabbed his coat and keys, and was out the door in a flash.

* * *

Someone tore the blindfold off his eyes, causing Hardison to squint in the bright light. This light, however, was artificial. He was back inside, in a different room this time, one with concrete walls. His arms and legs were tied to a chair, and the same two bulky men that had tied him up in the first place now lurked in the shadows on either side of him. He strained to get a good look at their faces but was unable to identify them. One was white, the other Hispanic. They wore black, tieless suits and could have been enforcers for any nondescript organization. Hardison sighed and settled back in the chair. He was just going to have to let this situation play itself out. Just then, a door opened in the back of the room behind him, and he heard someone enter. Seconds later, he heard the sound of a dialtone. Whoever the person was, they were about to make a phone call.

* * *

"Just calm down, Parker, okay?! You need to tell me what happened!" Eliot was forceful but composed. He knew that this wasn't easy for Parker, but it would be easier for both of them and for Hardison if she kept her head. Ever since he had gotten there, she hadn't stopped pacing the floor. He knew that she would have already checked the entire place for clues and even for Hardison himself. However, the hacker clearly wasn't in the building, and since Lucille was still parked where he had left her, he couldn't have left on his own. So where was he?

"I woke up like twenty minutes ago, and I couldn't hear Hardison breathing, so I went down to see if he was still in bed. The covers were messed up, but when he wasn't there I just assumed he'd gone to the bathroom or something. I waited a minute, then I went to look for him. I searched everywhere, but he wasn't here, and I knew that something was wrong–!" Parker stopped herself mid-sentence as she tried to regain control. Exhaling slowly, she continued, "I checked the security system. At first, it seemed like nothing was out of the ordinary, but when I looked closer, I noticed that it had been turned off for five minutes during the night, only half an hour before I woke up. Someone knew how to turn off the system, Eliot! No one can do that!" She paused and sent Eliot a distraught glance.

"Don't worry, Parker, we'll find him." Eliot replied quietly. "What else?"

"They parked in the back alleyway. A big van, according to the tire tracks. Oh, and someone hit Hardison on the head. There's a little bit of blood on his pillow." She furrowed her brow, but didn't say anything.

Eliot clenched his fists in frustration. They had so little to go on, especially considering the number of enemies they had. It could be anyone. Well, almost anyone.

"Okay, so this was clearly planned. They're smart, and they're not amateurs. They knew how to get in, and they got him out quickly and without waking you up." He paused, mind racing as he simultaneously considered and discarded possibilities.

"Do you think…" Parker started, but before she could finish, the phone rang.

"It's them." Eliot let it ring once more, then hit the answer button. He lifted the phone to his ear, while Parker pressed her head up next to the receiver. "Speak," he grunted.

_"We want one million dollars or your man dies,"_ a distorted voice crackled over the line._ "Don't call the police, or you'll never see him again."_

"I want proof of life!" Eliot demanded.

He was met with temporary silence, then all of a sudden the sound of rustling and heavy breathing. _"Eliot! Parker! I'm here! Don't worry, these dudes picked the wrong people to mess–"_ Hardison's voice was cut off, quickly replaced by the nameless mechanic voice.

"_You have two hours to wire us the money. I'll email you the account number." _Then the line clicked and went dead. Eliot locked eyes with Parker, and she nodded. Time to get down to business.

* * *

The man in the beige sports coat hung up the phone and handed it, along with the attached voice modifier, to one of his enforcers, giving rapid instructions in Spanish. He was about to turn and leave, when suddenly he heard a sound coming from the center of the room. He paused and did a double take, unable to believe his ears. Was that… was the kid _laughing?!_ He walked slowly back to where the young man was tied up, and found that he was chuckling to himself, head hung and eyes closed, mouth spread in a broad smile.

"Excuse you?" he barked, hoping to scare the kid into silence. But this only made him laugh harder. He threw back his head and gasped for air in between chortles, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. Infuriated, the man snapped, "What do you think you're doing?!"

* * *

Hardison wheezed, his face hurting from grinning and his sides from laughing. "Aha, aha haha ha ha, ehehehehe! Oohhhhhh, oh, oh!" he panted. Suddenly, he felt a sharp sting across his face, his head whipping to one side. With a shock, he realized he'd just been slapped. The man responsible, the same one who had been talking on the phone earlier, was now standing in front of him. Hardison stretched his jaw, while discretely taking notes on the man's appearance. "Ow! What was that for, man?"

"Why were you laughing?" the man scowled. Short and slightly pudgy, he was doing his best to appear intimidating. However, since Alec was used to a slightly higher bar for menacing criminals, it just wasn't quite working on him.

He smirked. "You're in over your head, man," he taunted, clicking his tongue. "Who do you think that was on the phone? Some petty thief?"

The dude straightened slightly and pursed his lips. "Oh, give me a break. So he's some retired hitter who was greatly feared back in the day. But word on the street is he's gone soft," he sneered, an awkward grimace attempting to hide the flicker of fear in his eyes. "Now all he does is run around playing Robin Hood with his dwindling band of thieves and con men. But you're group's not so mighty now, eh? Why, my men managed to sneak in and abduct you from right under the nose of your little lover-girl! Sounds like somebody's dropping the ball since Mommy and Daddy left, hmm?" He smirked and glanced at his men on either side, as though looking for affirmation.

Hardison knew that this little speech was supposed to make him doubt his team, but all it did was make him burst out laughing. And this time, he couldn't stop. The room echoed with his howls of laughter, leaving a very perplexed and flustered criminal to storm out of the room, yelling instructions to his men as he left. And then, even after they dumped him, bound and gagged, back in the metal storage container, his body still shook with muffled guffaws.

* * *

"They're gonna regret messing with us," Eliot fumed, not for the first time, as he stepped on the gas, urging Lucile to go faster. Parker sat in the passenger seat, not sure whether to join him in his rampage, or sit silently wallowing in anxiety. She knew that Eliot had everything under control, but she couldn't help the wild emotions that had been bombarding her ever since she had discovered Hardison missing. She huffed and scowled at the GPS in her hands, following the little red dot with her eyes and wishing that humans could just turn off their emotions when they didn't want them. Stupid kidnappers, thinking they could hold Hardison for ransom. Why did they have to go and spoil a perfectly good day off? However, on the bright side, this did mean she would probably get to use her Taser. And she'd get the satisfaction of watching Eliot beat the shit of these guys. She just hoped Hardison was okay…

"Turn here, Eliot. This is the road."

* * *

Hardison had managed to maneuver himself into a sitting position, where he had now been remaining for about an hour. Every time he had started to get bored or anxious, he heard Eliot's voice in his head, and his gruff words muttered over the phone line before the receiver had been yanked from his ear: _"Tracking the stupid motherf*ckers right now. Comin' to get ya, buddy."_ Although normally he would have been pissed that Eliot had talked over him, this time it brought him nothing but joy, not to mention the hilarity of imagining sport-coat-dude's face when he sees Eliot's fist flying towards his face. Just then, he heard the high-pitched squealing of car breaks outside. A moment passed. One shot fired, followed quickly by a shrill cry and a simultaneous _OOMPH. _A few more seconds passed, then Hardison heard a cry, followed by what could only be described as pitiful and unintelligible begging. Then silence accompanied only by the soft _THUD_ of a body hitting the ground_. _Scrambling awkwardly to his feet, Hardison edged towards the door. Within a few more seconds, the door was flung open. Hardison barely had time to register the faces of his friends before he was knocked off his feet by a flying bear-hug in the form of Parker. He grunted as they hit the ground, the gag preventing any further vocalizations.

"Oh!" Parker exclaimed, clinging to Hardison as if for dear life. "I was so worried–!" But before she could finish, Eliot interrupted her.

"Help the poor man up, would ya?" Together, they undid his bindings and helped him to his feet. Then Eliot proceeded to yank the duct tape from Hardison's mouth and then smother him in a bear-hug of his own. Hardison just stood there and took it. After all, it wasn't every day he got a hug from the hitter.

"Dude, don't scare us like that!" Eliot said as he released him.

"Oh come on, as if this was somehow my choice?! Besides, you were scared for all of what, 10 minutes?"

Eliot chuckled. "Yeah, well. Hey, speaking of which, good job slipping your earbud in the dude's pocket when they grabbed you. That was quick thinking."

Hardison grinned, then turned and wrapped one arm around Parker's waist. "I totally forgot that I did it, too, until you interrupted me on the phone. I'm pretty good, aren't I?"

Parker rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling. Eliot scowled, even though underneath he wasn't really upset. "Hey, it was my genius that thought to check the tracking on the earbud. Miss Lovebird over here was too distraught to even think of that!"

"Hey!" Parker jabbed a finger at Eliot's ribs.

"I'm sorry babe," Hardison murmured upon hearing of Parker's distress.

"It's okay," she replied. "I got to taze someone!" Her face split into an impish grin.

"Speaking of which," Eliot muttered, I guess it's time to take out the trash…" The three thieves grinned and made their way out of the container and into the gentle afternoon light.

* * *

Back at the pub later that evening, Hardison and company made a quick video call to an old nemesis. "Hello, Cha0s," Hardison growled.

"Aw, how nice it is to see the family back together again! I knew you'd get it all worked out in the end," the hacker smirked infuriatingly.

Hardison gritted his teeth. "So I just have one question: why this guy?"

Cha0s sighed. "Well, as it turns out, the punk tried to run a scam on me. _Me!_ Can you believe it?!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "Anywho, I wanted to get back at him, and I knew he was desperate for money, so I posed as an anonymous online entity who wanted revenge on you guys – which, to be fair, wasn't exactly a lie. I knew that he needed my help to get past the security of anyone with enough money to fund his little need, so I offered to give him the key to getting into your place. I knew you'd be able to figure out some way to rescue poor Hardison, cause, let's face it, this guy wasn't as bright as he thought he was."

"Hiring local muscle, leaving behind evidence, offering to email me the account number without any further ado, and then giving me enough time to reach Hardison before the time ran out…" Eliot ran through the list without batting an eyelash. "Yeah, I'd have to agree with you on that."

"So anyway," Cha0s interjected, "I figured you owed me, and also that you'd figure out that I was the only one smart enough to get past your security system. I'm not really worried about retaliation. And anyways, who says you could even get to me in the first place?"

This time it was Parker's turn to smirk. "Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"


End file.
